Stop the madness!

So here's the deal: I've been single for nigh on 18 months now with no prospects in sight. To get you up to speed, here is the full run down of my love life during this time (don't worry, it won't take long):

Circa October 2004 - broke up with boyfriend.

March 2005: I asked out the guy who re-painted our office (by text, because I'm a wuss). I got a message back almost a week later (a week!!!!), which of course meant the answer was no - he said he had a partner. Shamed, I now can't look him in the eye when he comes by to touch up our paintwork... Thankfully, I moved to California for a four month assignment shortly afterward which gave some welcome distance to that awkward situation.

May 2005: Now working in California, I had a maybe-date with the IT guy that looked after our serviced offices. Okay, so it wasn't really a date so much as a bribe for doing a lot of urgent changes for us when his guaranteed response was 48hrs. But it was my first lunch in a very long time with a member of the opposite sex that could potentially, with a bit of imagination, be considered a date. I was super stressed by work at the time and was really lousy company. He said we should do it again sometime, yet he never asked - how strange.

June 2005: I developed a schoolgirl crush on the beautiful winewaiter at my favourite restaurant in Newport Beach, Gulfstream. For a start he looked like Hugh Jackman - the man was HOT! But what really charmed me was when I asked him about a particular wine on the menu one night and he waxed lyrical for a full five minutes, comparing it to the grassiness of New Zealand sauvignon blancs.

The combination of his obvious passion for wine, his male model looks, and the fact that he was familiar with something to do with my obscure little country was just enchanting and made me weak at the knees. I ate there at every chance I could get after that night, but alas never worked out a classy way to hit on the bar staff, leaving my love unrequited - especially since I soon moved back to New Zealand, home of the grassy sauvignons.

September 2005: Two extremely awkward dates with a colleague. I know, I know, I never should have gone there - but I took what I could get at the time. He's actually a really good guy, but he's one of those people that gets nervous in social situations. I don't hold that against him - I'm exactly the same - but put two awkward people together and that ain't the best love match in the world.

I stuck it out for the second date 'cause we hadn't kissed yet and I wanted to see if that might magically spark some sweet chemisty. Unfortunately this was not the case - we finally kissed after literally hours of skirting around it and edging closer together on the sofa, and, well, it was just the strangest kiss I've ever had.

Now this is clearly not good - when you think to yourself "what the hell is he doing?!", you know it's time to give up the ghost. I made the speediest possible departure and a couple of days later told him I wasn't ready to be anything more than friends. And then I avoided walking by his desk for a full six months... Now that a little time has passed, I can bring myself to look him in the eye and this is certainly helpful for those times when we have to do some work together...

And since September? Bubkis, nichts, nada! Zero romantic action of any kind and zero prospect of getting any in the course of day to day life. It demanded drastic action. So what did I do? I took two bold steps:

1. I booked myself in for speed dating, and
2. I put my profile up online and subscribed as a member

And in the two weeks since I've done this, I've certainly come into contact with plenty of single men. I've also developed a nervous twitch - my upper left eyelid now spasms on a regular basis, directly in proportion to the amount of stress, distress, confusion and frustration these romantic antics cause me.

Hence the birth of this blog, to document my experiences, vent the tension and try to make sense of the whole damn thing! Stick around, it's going to be a wild ride...