The aftermath...

There's a period of time after a date where things are exciting and hopeful, but anxious and nervewracking at the same time. Where you begin to imagine what might be, while fearing it could crash and burn without going any further, leaving you dejected, rejected and sad.

In the 'old days' (my late teens/early twenties), this used to be a difficult time for me. I'd be freaking out if I didn't hear from the guy straight away and could think of nothing else. I would literally wait by the phone, willing it to ring. Ah, those were the days... But now that I'm a mature woman of 30, self assured and confident of my worth, things are... exactly the same!

So here's the run down of the post-date-with-Tim period:

Friday: Date night.

Saturday: I'm feeling good, doing my own thing, not really thinking about how or when we'll next speak. 8.30pm I get a text from him asking good day? I'm pleased to have some contact so soon, and text him back.

Sunday: I think about seeing him again, and wonder when we will. Not worried yet...

Monday: I have no plans for the day and want to see him, so I decide to initiate contact. I text him asking if he wants to do something later on. No answer... for a couple of hours... I figure he's off doing something and get on with my day.

Later I get a text saying sorry he missed my text, he was driving up north to visit his parents and was staying there overnight - unfortunately (his word). Plus a smiley face :). I'm sorry we don't get to meet up, but feel reassured.

Tuesday: Back to work, I sit at my desk and think I'll probably hear from him today. Nope...

Wednesday: I keep my cellphone perched up by my computer and look at the screen every 10 minutes to see if anything's come through. Nothing has and nothing does for the whole day. I think about calling him, but I figure it's his turn - I put myself out there and asked him out, now he should get in touch to arrange another time. I don't want to seem too eager...

Thursday: Still no word, and by now every feminine sensory system in my body is screaming "man overboard!". Something in the pit of my stomach tells me Tim's a goner and I'm not going to hear from him again. But I look back to the signals - that goodnight kiss, a text the next day, a hint that he would've liked to have taken me up on my Monday offer - and I decide to throw out one last feeler to see if I can prompt a conversation.

10am, I send him a casual email asking him about his week and telling him about this team building thing we're doing that afternoon. By the end of the day, I haven't heard back and I take a minute to reflect on the end of a very brief relationship... Barring some highly unlikely turn of events (eg: Tim's untimely death) I realise that he's gone AWOL and has completely shut me out. I'm really surprised and confused - didn't see that one coming!

Friday/Saturday/Sunday: I ping-pong between sadness and anger. Sad because I'd genuinely wanted to get to know him better. Angry because I can't believe he just stopped replying - what a shitty way to treat someone! So disrepectful and incredibly thoughtless. Not to mention cowardly. A quick dumping by text would have been far preferable - and more humane.

I think about telling him about how I feel and go so far as to draft a bitter and angry text - but I show some rare restraint and don't push send. I do begin to write him an email though. I'm not sure if I'm going to send it, but I want to put my feelings into words. I save it as a draft and think about whether to send it or not. In the end, I do. Mainly I want to bring things to a definite close in my mind. But I also want to remind Tim that people's feelings are at stake here.

Hi Tim,

Well I’m guessing from your silence that I’m not your cup of tea. It would have been nice to get to know you better but that’s okay. It also would have been nice if you’d just said something to let me know, but I guess that’s an awkward conversation to have. For the record, it felt horrible to be left hanging this week and wondering why.

Thanks for the nice night out anyway, I appreciated it, and no hard feelings - I hope things work out for you.

Take care
bb

And so a disappointing end to my first internet dating experience... Back to the drawing board!