Wednesday, January 31, 2007

In which I feel jaded and irritated at the male population in general

Oops – can you tell I’m back at work? No posts for a week and a half! Darn it, one of my resolutions was to post at least twice a week. Not even February and already I’m falling behind…

So, the latest haps with me? Colour me fed up. Fed up with the boys I like not liking me back. Fed up with every kind of ning-nong in the city messaging me through the site saying nothing more than ‘hi hows things?’ (even if they do put a smiley beside it). Fed up with not being able to cut a break on the romantic side of life ever.

Yup, I’m grumpy. And I’m seriously concerned at these bad vibes I’m sending out into the world! This is surely not going to attract any lovely swoon-worthy men to my door… I am trying to stay positive but it’s an effort right now.

In other news, last week out of the blue I got a message from a chap I went out with a couple of times back in October.

Hey beautiful, how have you been?

I'd be keen to catch up for dinner if you are,
I'm sure a lot has happened since we last met.

Have a magic day

Lush Fertile Tantric Astrological Not-boyfriend

Just to clarify, Lush Fertile Tantric Astrological Not-boyfriend is not his real name, it’s the silly nickname my friend Mindy and I developed for him as we discussed him through emails back the first time around.

Lush for no other reason than it’s a great word and at that point we were stretching his nickname to ridiculous lengths...

because he has a kid. Not something that features on my list of the ideal guy for me, but hey, not a deal-breaker.

Astrological because on our first date, drinks at a local pub, he launched into an analysis of the compatibility of our star signs (the short version: our star signs apparently share great sexual chemistry but struggle in other areas).

Are you getting the picture? This guy is very new-agey. Now, I didn't and still don't think this is a bad thing – I have definite new-agey tendencies myself (although I try to keep that mostly under wraps). But Tanty (as we’re now calling him for short) is off the chart. Exhibit A, some snippets from his profile:

I like to really get to know people and their truth, why they're here, what kind of difference they want to make and the magic moments that they experience...

I love to listen to people, how they feel, how they hurt, to laugh and share with them. I'm looking for a friend and partner who will share a journey of discovery, to grow and build something amazing together.

The Tantric bit was me taking a punt that his focus on spiritual enlightenment spills over into the physical side of things. Exhibit B, his thoughts on intimacy:

A sacred part of expression towards the people I love. Intimacy (Into Me See) is not about sex, but about exposing, communicating and releasing physical and emotional barriers to experiencing love.

The Not-boyfriend bit is just to differentiate him from Mindy’s significant other who has a very cute three word nickname of his own (Something Something Boyfriend – yeah, I’d like to tell you - but it’s not really my place).

I had been so curious to meet this guy! Kiwi men are pretty notorious for being staid and so not into showing their ‘sensitive sides’. Definitely some hangovers of the British stiff upper lip there... But Tanty? Wow – very into talking about feelings and emotional experiences. At the end of our first date he kissed me on the cheek, gave me a hug, and said ‘Thanks for connecting with me tonight’.

He could so easily have come off as being incredibly cheesy, but the thing is – I could tell he was genuine and I admired his ability to be 100% open with his thoughts and feelings without any concern at how other people might react.

I was definitely intrigued enough to go on a second date – a nutritious, fibre-rich homecooked meal at his place. And actually it was lovely. It was such a treat to have a man go to the trouble of cooking for me – I really appreciated the thought and effort he put into it. Unsweetened yoghurt and blueberries mightn’t be my idea of dessert, but I could certainly appreciate its antioxidant value and lack of calories.

He had mood music playing in the background (not pan pipes, but not far off it, just quietly!), a big pillar candle was the only light in the room. Even the wine was organic. All this setting the scene led to him offering to give me a foot-rub after dinner, which I graciously allowed him to do. It felt very intimate and sure enough, as my feet lay in his lap he leaned in for the kiss. And??? And zero chemical reaction ensued. No butterflies. No tingles. No acute awareness of what colour underwear I was wearing that night. It was a nice enough kiss, but I felt nothing.

Such a pity, because I came to the conclusion that he'd be a wonderful man to be in a relationship with. We did speak after that night, and we did mention getting together for dinner again. But the days slipped by and he didn’t call me and I didn’t call him and I figured it was well enough to leave it at that. No hard feelings, just clearly not enough interest on either side.

And then last Tuesday I got this message from him. It was a surprise, and a fairly pleasant one. I replied that it would be fun to meet up for dinner again. He'd suggested tonight, but tonight was BODYJAM night (aka brunette babe shaking her boo-tay night) with this guy at my gym and it’s so much fun I refuse to miss it these days. So he said he’d get back to me on Monday when he found out what days he’d have his son this week. That was the Monday just gone and I haven’t heard back from him since (which hasn’t helped my fed-upness).

I didn’t really think this was going to be so much a date as a catch-up, so it’s not like I thought this was leading anywhere. But still, I’m so over it!

I’m trying to gently harbour hope, really I am. But I think I need an attitude adjustment.


At 3 February 2007 at 11:37 AM, Blogger The Dummy said...

I think it's cool he's comfortable in his own skin, even if his behavior doesn't fall into that generally accepted category for guys.

That's probably the greatest challenge we all go through growing up - to be as we are - and it's cool you tested the waters to see what it's like.

But I guess we can't always have that spark. It was worth a try!


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