Monday, June 05, 2006

Russian foolishness

I've been terrible at updating lately, I know, my bad... Let me start to get you up to date.

It's a long weekend here in NZ for Queen's Birthday (one of the few benefits of belonging to the commonwealth...) and today I got a text from Rex asking me if I'd go and see Sione's Wedding with him next Friday.

We've seen each other two times since I last wrote about him. Last weekend we went and saw Da Vinci Code (as if I need to link to that - is there anyone in the world who doesn't know about this movie?!) and had some yakitori for dinner afterwards. I didn't think the movie was that great, I enjoyed the book more. Dinner was okay, but just okay. Conversation was starting to dry up a little and well, to tell the truth, Matt's still been occupying prime real estate in my overworked female brain these days.

Rex did a very sweet thing when one of those peddlers came around with a basket of roses, trying to guilt the men into a romantic gesture - he leapt at the opportunity to shell out five bucks for a stem with not a hint of reluctance. It was a nice touch, but marginally embarrassing as well. Must have been a neon sign to others that we were on an early-days date. Anyway, at the end of the night he walked me to my car and we said goodbye with a kiss on the cheek.

The next day I was chatting with my good friend in France about the latest happenings in my love life and when I came to talk about Rex, I summed up my feelings like this: I like him but I don't want to rip his clothes off, and I want to want to rip the guy I'm dating's clothes off...

And that's the kiss of death for Rex because chemistry's the one thing I'm unwilling to compromise on as I go about this online dating thing. I've been in plenty of relationships with 'nice guys' who won me over with persistant wooing but who, when it came down to it, didn't set my loins alight and frankly, I think that's been a significant factor in my relationships ending.

I know I'm not alone in thinking this is of supreme importance. I've just read this great book and one of the author's friends says essentially, it comes down to this: "Do you want your belly pressed against this person's belly forever - or not?"

But at the same time, I'm uncertain if chemistry alone is a good barometer. Or if chemistry is necessarily instant. So when Rex suggests we check out something from the Comedy Festival, I decide a third date is worth a shot and should confirm whether I want my belly anywhere near his or not. We meet in town on Thursday to go see Rhys Darby and his show was pretty funny, we had a good laugh. We went to a small Japanese restaurant afterwards and ate some good tempura and teriyaki chicken. Hey, at least my belly's getting filled if nothing else tonight!

And it's just as well, because I don't think Rex's belly has any business being in my belly's vicinity. Which is a pity, because he's clearly a good guy, but I can't discount how I feel. The clincher is when he tells me he came very close to going to Russia to meet a woman he'd met online. Now not only do I not want to rip his clothes off but I think he's an idiot too, for even considering it. He can tell I'm not impressed and justifies it by saying he thought it would be a good way to see a different part of the world, and maybe have the possibility of something more. And sure, I can see that. But seriously? Come on... At least he didn't actually end up going - seems Ms Russia started asking for money which put him off. But still, I can't help but look at him differently for even thinking of it. Judgemental, sure. But it's the truth.

Conversation moves on to other things and we finish our meals and once again things end with a kiss on the cheek when he walks me back to my car - I'm eternally grateful that he's not pushy/confident enough to go for a kiss on the lips because I just don't want to.

And so today, I get Rex's text asking me out again and I have to tell him no, not now, not ever - which I hate doing. Especially by text. But I do, I reply saying thanks, but I'd rather not. That to be honest, I don't see things going any further. But thanks for everything.

I get a funny reply from him a few minutes later:
Whoops! I must have
revealed too much when
I told you about the
russian!
Makes me laugh - he's spot on! He signs off saying we probably don't have that much in common anyway. I figure from the tone of his text that he's not terribly distraught or surprised, which helps assuage my bad feeling of turning a nice man down.

And what's happening with Matt, you may ask? Well, there's some stuff to tell there but you'll have to wait for the update...

2 Comments:

At 20 June 2006 at 4:15 AM, Blogger The Dummy said...

I think it's good you were honest with him. That chemistry HAS to be there, otherwise, when you're with someone and the months and years pass, you're going to feel tortured. It's great you're not settling for anything less than you deserve.

 
At 20 June 2006 at 9:13 PM, Blogger brunette babe said...

Thanks DD, I agree - and I don't find it all hard to walk away when the chemistry isn't there. I'm getting ahead of myself here but now the challenge is to see if I can keep myself from settling when the chemistry IS there but the other stuff (communication, trust, commitment) isn't. THAT'S a lot harder!

 

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